Woke at 6:25. Earlier wake up call so that we could leave the hotel at 7:15
Ate brekkie in 10 min. Which frankly, was plenty of time...
Going to ChengDe (承德) today. 3.5 hour drive with proposed toilet break supposedly in a safe bush area where the men stand on one side and the women on another and the women get umbrellas.
Hmmmm...
Can I go for 3.5 hours with bathroom?
we'll find out...
---
Turns out we got a mid way rest stop in the middle of nowhere, but with proper toilets!
YES!
Major Sleep sleep sleep time to catch up on the lack of sleep from the previous days
Got to ChengDe and picked up a new tour guide in the middle of nowhere
First stop was the emperors summer house/mountain resort (避暑山庄). And it was poo cold. Like hide yo face cold.
We walked around and learnt about concubines and abortion tea.
(So pretty much the story is that the king got to have sex with a different concubine everynight. And then if after he was done and he was okay with the concubine having his child, then he would nod his head. If not, then he would shake his head and if the concubine was later found to have conceived, they were given abortion tea to drink. Wow...)
Sooooo cold. Like -5degrees with WIND COLD.
Everyone froze.
Then after we walked around the main chambers a bit, everyone got a people mover to go around the gardens
Isaac and tony kept dancing on any ice they could find
Then mum saw this huge ass frozen lake, and she danced on the ice.
Then of course, later on when the Boys were dancing on the ice and aunty could yell at them but mum couldn't cos she would be a hypocrite -_______________-
Then there were these ice toboggans on the lake and the guide said no, not allowed cos not covered by insurance but Joe managed to sneak out on the icea anyway so guide finally gave in.
And Isaac ran off to join Joe.
Then Tony finally convined aunty to let him, but JUST as he got on, the people mover came back so Tony did this MASSIVE sprint to make sure he got a turn too...loooooooool...
Me and isaac sat backwards backwards on the people mover, and our driver was so epic and started drifting and stuff - almost fell out
Also, apparently, ChengDe is most famous for it's almond tea (杏仁露) so we all stopped by a random vendor to purchase some - but not to drink, we all used it as warmer instead cos the cans were heated in boiling water lol.
Essentially, we went around the resort and froze our arses off.
Then it was lunch time in the basement of this pretty nice restaurant
So hungry our group of 11 ordered two more dishes on the side (possibly from fighting the cold)
Then we went to the star place (post-hoc wiki: KuiXingLou; 魁星樓) where you pray for your children's academic prowess
Cold cold cold
Tony was busting and couldn't hold it and so he sacrilegiously just peed at the temple
Then we said goodbye to the new tour guide, she just jumped out in the middle of the road
Then it was long drive back to Beijing
Stopped at a 6-star public toilet with no smell and had heaters etc
we also had epicly beautiful sunset to watch as we drove back, due in part to the smoke/mist that was present in the landscape
Next stop was Beijing Olympic village for foot massage for the whole tour group
Our family brought the lols
Taught the masseuses English/Engrish - callouses, can I, etc
Isaac, tony and david couldn't understand what they were saying lol
Isaac and mum thought the herbal medicine for the footbath (which was in a teabag like thing) was a heat pack and chucked it out, then had to chuck it back in once they realised it was herbal medicine
Then we played the age game with the masseuses and they actually pondered whether isaac was older or younger than me looooool. but they also messed up tony and david so lol INACCURATE!
poor tony and his vanity issues~
And then cos this has never happened to me, i must brag about this in minute detail
--> When the masseuses came in, they wouldn't stop whispering and isaac was like hey yo I think they're talking about you
Then one of the girls to mum was like your daughter is really 美 (google translate: beautiful, pretty, america)
And asked if we knew this local celebrity that i looked like, which we didn't but still - IT FELT GOOD.
And mum loled for days
Then as we were leaving, david was like the masseuse told me the girl in front (that is, me....yes! me!) is really pretty , how do you know her...etc
So yes, moving to Beijing to catch my big fish!
Then it was to restaurant for dinner
With mons beer (the story behind this is, i saw the beer and i was like hey! is mons beer good? and then one of the Boys was like...it's SNOW BEER, you retard) and really good corn soup for dinner
After dinner, everyone went out to Ghost St (鬼街) for Peking duck but we stayed in.
Instead the Boys were all about calling KFC for delivery etc
And as we were parting ways to go to our separate rooms, the Boys mum was like:
And of course, the chinese phrase for calling chicken (叫雞) is synonymous for calling up a prostitute so lots of prostitute jokes followed. Then alot of aunties chimed in with calling ducks (鴨) which course is equivalent to gigolos...Then the Boys were like, no you're not allowed to 叫鴨!Nei dei giu ng giu gei ga? (Are you guys calling for chicken or not?)
SIGH. MY TOUR GROUP.
Love them.
donna.
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